Breaking Open: The Messy Path to Becoming Authentic

For most of my life, I was terrified of opening up. I was so afraid of the flood of emotions. I thought they would drown me if I let them out. So I played it safe. I pushed it all down. I became a chameleon, blending into my surroundings, moulding myself into what I thought others wanted me to be. I wasn’t really living, I was just surviving, stuck in a numb state.

I didn’t know myself because I wasn’t feeling my body. I was following logic and other people’s expectations, seeking external validation but never my own truth. I was trapped behind a mask of control, people-pleasing and perfectionism, trying to keep it all together. But the emotions I was trying to escape still found ways to erupt, through anxiety, through bursts of rage that I couldn’t contain anymore. I was a pressure cooker, waiting to blow.

The thing I was really blocking by not feeling was growth. The real me... raw, unfiltered, unpolished... was desperate to be seen. To be loved as I was, not as I thought I needed to be. At some point, I couldn’t stay closed anymore. I cracked open. It was messy, ugly, and honestly the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I wouldn’t change it.

Growth doesn’t happen in straight lines. It spirals through dark, shadowy pits and then lifts you into skies so expansive you can hardly believe you made it there. Allowing myself to be imperfect gave me more freedom than trying to control ever did. I realised that by numbing myself to pain, I was also numbing myself to joy. When I surrendered to the fullness of my emotions, I found safety and I found myself.

Now, I’m not as scared of being seen. I’m not as consumed by anxiety or driven by the need to be perfect. I can be messy and beautiful and real, without worrying so much about what people think. I feel safe and free in my own skin. I’ve let go of the masks and the layers that were never mine to hold.

I’d choose this honest, unfiltered version of me over perfection any day.

That’s why OUTSPOKEN has become so special to me, to Giddy Garden and to the other brave humans who have stepped onto that stage. It’s a space where we can crack open, speak our truths, and be seen exactly as we are... unfiltered, messy, and real. It’s a place where stories that are often hidden find a voice, and that vulnerability is met with acceptance. It truly is a magical container that we’re proud to have created. 🌱✨