Re-Parenting Yourself: Nurturing the Parts That Once Felt Unseen

Inside each of us lives a constellation of parts... tender, messy, protective, expressive, frightened, cautious. Some are childlike and curious, some are loud with perfectionism or fear, some are full of rage or shame and some have long been pushed into the shadows. Re-parenting is the process of turning toward these parts with care. Not to silence or fix them, but to understand, tend, and gently update them.

Adapted from the beautiful work of Jessica Fern in her book Polywise, the LOVE U process invites us into this inner care:

✨ L - Locate the part — where do you feel it in your body or awareness?

✨ O - Discover its Origin — how and when did it come into being? How old were you?

✨ V - Validate its pain and purpose — Is it there to protect you (from shame, from fear, from getting hurt)?

✨ E - Embrace it with love, presence, and compassion - ask it what it needs (maybe thats a hug from you, a hand on your heart or the part that feels the sensation, or to hold your hand)

✨ U - And finally, Update the part — bringing it into the present, offering it a role that fits your life now. I like to do this by showing the part snippets of my life and fastforwarding my life like a movie and showing it how far I've come and that it no longer needs to protect me. Ask it what role it wants now? Maybe this part wants to stop fighting/protecting and just play.

You can even try this in a physical, embodied way: place two cushions on the ground (often called Aspecting). Let one represent the part of you that needs re-parenting (the inner child, the voice of fear). And let the other be the version of you today, your wise, grounded, compassionate adult self. Sit on one cushion and speak honestly from the part that’s been holding pain or confusion. Then switch seats, soften, and respond as the caring parent you wish you’d had, loving, listening, offering warmth, acceptance, reassurance and the words that this part needs to hear to feel safe. This simple act can bring profound shifts in how seen and soothed those inner parts feel.

Re-parenting is not about erasing the past, it’s about showing up now with presence. It’s about becoming the adult you once needed, and offering yourself the softness, strength, and steady love that lets your whole self be integrated. You can also do this through journalling if that works better for you. 🌱