Catching Myself Before Expecting Others to Catch Me

Have you ever unleashed your emotions onto someone without realising they weren’t ready to catch them? I have. And here’s what I’ve learned.

For most of my life, I’ve felt things deeply but in my family I learnt to push that down and supress.

When I began my embodiment journey, when I stopped pushing down feelings and actually let them surface, it was like a dam bursting. Thirty-something years of grief, rage, sadness, confusion... rushing up all at once. I couldn’t keep it inside. I had a tendency to overshare, to unload the heavy stuff onto whoever was nearest without first checking if they had the space for it. I wanted to tell someone... anyone... and most of the time, that someone was my partner.

But here’s the truth: It was too much. It wasn’t fair.

I hadn’t asked for his consent. I hadn’t checked if he had emotional capacity. I simply brought the storm mid-process mid-rawness without giving him a chance to brace himself or opt in. Unspoken boundaries were crossed, over and over.

And slowly, naturally, he pulled away. He put up walls. Because it’s overwhelming to be someone's sole emotional container without permission or choice.

Looking back now, I understand: It wasn’t that he didn’t love me. It wasn’t that he didn’t care. It was that I was demanding emotional labour without invitation, assuming availability without checking in, expecting him to catch every falling part of me without realising he was struggling to hold his own.

I now know:

🌱 I needed to learn to self-regulate and process with myself first, sitting with the heat, journaling, moving it through my body, dancing, screaming into pillows if I had to.

🌱 I needed create self trust and safety by reparenting those raw, hurting parts of me (the inner child parts that were angry, afraid, anxious and confused), offering them tenderness and steadiness.

🌱 I needed to seek support from a range of people. From trusted friends who had consented, professional therapists, and somatic practices rather than leaning entirely on one person.

🌱 I needed to ask: "Do you have the space for me to share something heavy right now?"

Because true support is consensual. It’s an offering, not a demand.

If he said no, that would have been a gift... a boundary that protected both of us. If he said yes, it would have meant I was being held with his full-hearted, willing presence rather than obligation or resentment.

I'm not surprised he needed distance when I came charging in like a bull at a gate. That’s a natural, human response to emotional overwhelm. I wish I had known better then. But I’m deeply grateful I know now.

We honour each other’s boundaries by asking. We honour ourselves by learning how to hold our own emotions first, and create self trust, before handing these emotions tenderly to someone else. We create deeper connection when we pause, breathe, and choose presence over pressure.

✨ What tools do you have in your emotional tool belt that help you sit with your own storm first?