Letting You See My Non-Binary Face

I have been itching to shout this to the world and share this with the Giddy Garden community.... and also a tad bit nervous.

A few months ago, I stepped fully into my non-binary identity and expression and it has changed the way I experience myself, my body, and my sense of belonging.

For most of my life, I felt like I was on the outside looking in. I had deep friendships, community, love and yet something in my body never quite felt settled or at home. I thought the missing piece was external but it wasn’t.

The missing piece was acceptance of myself... all of me. When I stopped forcing myself into “woman” because it was the only option I knew, and allowed myself to name what had always been there, something big shifted. My self-judgement, rejection and self-abandoment loosened. My breath deepened. I stopped trying to prove or perform anything. I feel more spacious, more alive and more me than ever before. I can't even quite describe how magical this feels. I can't believe how much the intense fear of rejection from others held me back and even hid this side of me. Fear thought it was protecting me from pain and ridicule but it was actually sabotaging me.

Recently, I shared this story at Quinn Kush’s Risque event, an open mic for queers and allies, and it felt incredibly scary and affirming. All of us were topless too, adding another layer of vulnerability... the audience and those on stage. I’m looking forward to telling it again at the next OUTSPOKEN, whenever that lands, as we keep building the new space and focusing our energy there.

I’m non-binary (they/them). I’m queer. And I finally feel at home in my own skin. And feeling that brings both immense joy to have found myself and an immense grief at the lost time where I was being what I felt others wanted me to be (to feel safe and loved).